Things I Can't Wait For...

Lots of changes have occurred in my lil life over the past several months and many more are to come. Some things I'm excited about...

1) Lunch. I'm hungry.
2) Going to the beach with W...maybe in April or as soon as it gets warm.
3) Having my name legally changed to Boren.
4) My COBRA insurance to kick in.
5) Dinner. Because after lunch I'll be hungry again.
6) To move into our new little home on Saturday.
7) Playing bananagrams with the fam. It's so fun! PEEL
8) My car to be cleaned out. Still waiting on the fairy.
9) To get back into my wardrobe groove, I've been feeling out of touch lately.
10) To meet our baby in August :)

Yes, it's true!!!!!! I know I'm supposed to wait til after 3 months but I have less than a week to go and I just can't hold it anymore. We are sosososososo excited about this miracle!!!! I'm sure it has been suspected by most people b/c of our quick marriage and honestly that IS why we got married so quickly. It's in no way WHY we got married but I wanted him to be part of every moment and we love each other in a way that I can not explain or even fathom. We decided from the beginning that we would be open about everything b/c a) we are not ones to run from our mistakes and b) we want everyone to realize how real this is and how easy it happens.
Before William and I even started dating, he expressed to me his beliefs on waiting until marriage. I of course agreed and felt comfort knowing that "if" down the road we dated, we would be united on that. But if you put yourself in a situation where it COULD happen, Satan will work his way in any way he can and take over your thoughts and eventually your actions. It was one time and after it happened, we were both overcome with guilt. So much so that it was hard to address it but we did, and decided that God in us was so much stronger than this battle and we would fight to push through it. So we never really talked about it after that...and it never even crossed my mind that I could be pregnant b/c "it was only one time", and with Chiari and the way it affects the pituitary gland, I had written off having children all together. I'd been on fertility treatments in the past and nothing. So, it wasn't until I shared with my girlfriend some "symptoms" I was having that I started to panic. I told William and he brought over a pregnancy test that night. He told me he wanted us to look at it together so as I was laying it on the bathroom floor, I was opening the door and did a faceplant into it. The Plus sign showed up within seconds. I cried and cried and said "nononoooooo" but he held me and was so strong and even had a smile on his face. Although we both new we had made a mistake, he could already appreciate the blessing. Yes, I understood the miracle but what was my family going to say?? I absolutely can not tell them. The next morning i went to a friend of ours who is a nurse practitioner and she did blood work to confirm that I was in fact pregnant. So I immediately changed my mindset and attitude and was overwhelmed with strength from no one but Jesus. I contacted a precious friend who I don't think I could have done it without. She gave me the best advice and really helped me through that first day. First I called my sister. I look up to her so much and I was more nervous about telling her. Not only would she be disappointed but I had promised HER that I would wait until I was married. She told me later that she was relieved when I told her what was wrong b/c I was so hysterical on the phone she thought someone had died or something. After that, I decided to write a letter to my parents, and W and I would go over there that evening and give it to them. I told my mom we needed to talk and when we got there she immediately knew something was big. She hugged me and we all sat down. She noticed the bandaid on my hand from my blood work and she pretty much knew. What happened next I will never understand or forget. She had tears in her eyes and said "I don't love you ANY less, I am so proud of both of you and think it took so much courage for you both to come here" and she hugged us both and held our hands. She told us she already loved that baby. My dad was sick so he couldn't get too close but he did not have the reaction of anger that I thought he would. He smiled, said of course he was disappointed in the way that it happened but that it was a true miracle especially with my condition and that they would support us in any way they could. Wow. That made us cry even more. The unconditional love....I have never experienced it so real. My friend that helped me through, had said she had gotten a glimpse of what God's love is like for Jesus and at that moment, I got it! After that, I was FINALLY excited!!!!!!!!!!!! His family was thrilled and we could really let ourselves feel the joy. I realized that all along, I wasn't worried about what people would think of ME, I deserve any negativity I receive but I was heartbroken over what my parents might half to endure. They are such Godly parents and raised us so well but this was MY choice and MY mistake. But they had no fear of that whatsoever.
Now I am 11 weeks and 3 days. The baby is the size of a large lime and I have been sick every minute of every day. Some days are worse than over but ALL of it is more than worth it. W is soooo incredible. He thanks me all day every day for going through this for our baby and him being a massage therapist, I get special prenatal treatments every day. I really am so so blessed. I've got lots more to talk about so I'm sure my half of this blog will be baby central. :)
I know this is a shock even if you did suspect it. I completely understand and respect all the disappointment but at this point we are celebrating this miracle and anticipating his or her arrival. :)
xoxo